The Chairman

The Chairman and Chairwoman have entered into a legal contract to purchase a house. Specifically, this house:


First-time home purchases call for poetry, but, alas, the Chairman is speechless.

OH IRON POETS!!! Fill the Chairman's mouth with words! Delicious words of joy, fear, despair, and exhiliration towards the adventure of home ownership.

You've had a good rest, ladies and gentlemen. The topic is "House". Show me what you've got.

Who could pay tribute to an IRON MAN, if not for an IRON POET?

Sing me songs of the new Iron Man film! Spin verses and rhymes to this comic book character! Justify or condemn his Civil War shenanigans!

The Chairman has a hole in his heart, that can only be filled with poetry or highly theoretical arc-reactor technology. Save him, O IRON POETS!!!

I am reasonably certain that Mr. Gygax is worthy of poetry. Let's give him fair tribute, O\my IRON POETS!

This seemed worthy of poetry.

"Samurai Mover" link courtesy of judd_sonfbert

IRON POETS! Give me poetry worthy of catapults and furniture!

The Chairman believes that it is time to give IRON POETRY a bit of a rest. This competition began back in February 2005, and two-and-a-half years is a long stretch for anyone to be constantly composing poetry. We haven't been getting many submissions for the past few months, so I'm guessing that you're all burnt out on rhymes.

Perhaps IRON POETRY will rise again one day. Until then, I invite you to look back through the archives and post what your favorite topics and poems were. Personally, the Chairman fondly remembers "Tivo Setup".

This is an IRON POET HIATUS:
1) Post poems, nostalgia about poems, and pictures of poems
2) The Chairman may still drop a topic now and then, if the mood hits him
3) Feel free to post new poems in an older topic!

Footloose. Kevin Bacon. Wrestling and gymnastics cleverly disguised as dancing. The Chairman loves this movie! What do the IRON POETS think about it?

The Chairman is off this week to battle pirates, sharks, and tourists. Will these perils prove too perilous? Will the beach stay out of reach? And if the boat's a-rockin', would that imply anything unusual?

OH IRON POETS!!!

Spin me some songs of nautical nonsense!
Preach me some prose of cursed cruises!

GIVE ME HONEYMOON POETRY!!

Holy Cow! Seriously? The Chairman is totally married. You should all write a poem about that.

The Chairman will marry his beloved Chairwoman in eight days. Therefore, if you have any misgivings about this, now would be a good time to voice your opinion!

This is an IRON POET CHALLENGE!!!
1) In poetical form, tell us why we shouldn't get married
2) Your objection need not be convincing
3) Let's face it, you're not going to convince me
4) Bonus points if you fail to convince me to not get married!

Give me your best shot, IRON POETS!!!

The lush greenery surrounding The Chairman's house has typically been managed by my lovely upstairs neighbors. This year, however, they have been busy elsewhere, and the weeds have thus been growing unchallenged. Until now, that is!

The Chairwoman has graciously taken on the challenge of fixing up the garden. To that end, we have made multiple trips to Home Depot to acquire gardening tools (shears, trowels, etc), kneepads, waste bags, and a cool holster to store her pruning weapons-of-choice.

Clearly, this adventure calls for poetry.

Write me a Ode to celebrate the Humble Gardener!

I recently met the three year old child of vinceklortho and his lovely bride (both fellow Cornell alumni). I crouched down to shake her hand. She looked at me, terribly shy, lifted her foot up to my hand, and declared...

I have cat shoes.

And, indeed, she did.

This may be the single greatest opening line The Chairman has ever heard. In another lifetime, I could use it to pick up women (although I would have to purchase cat shoes for myself). I could probably use it to get a promotion. It was, quite simply, cuteness wrapped in adorable wrapped in ten thousand puppies.

For a good frame of reference, it was at least this cute.

In retrospect, I realize that I should have a poem prepared for when I encounter such cuteness. Can the IRON POETS help me? I'm looking for a couplet, haiku, sonnet, whatever that would best express the Heart of Man as he is exposed to the pure essence of Adorable.

Okay, so the invitations have been mailed out. The Chairman truly wishes he could invite all of you (and, perhaps, turn the reception into one big IRON POET tournament?)

Now that the deed is done, what should the Chairman and Chairwoman have said in the invitation? A haiku of matrimonial proportions? A limerick of love? A sonnet of celebration? Perhaps a thrilling tale of extraplanar wedding crashers starring Doc Gnosis?

IRON POETS!!! Write me a verse that will draw friends and relatives close! Spin thematic webs that will catch and guide thousands of RSVP's into my hungry clutches.

So... uh... so they can celebrate with us. Obviously, I have no nefarious plots or schemes.

The Chairman has fond memories of playing the boardgame "Mousetrap" in his youth. I'm pretty sure I never played it according to the rules, though. Mostly, the IRON SIBLINGS and I just set up the full contraption immediately and then let it do its thing.

Mmmmm... Rube-Goldberg-ian...

What are the IRON POETS experience with mouse traps? Do you prefer the "box-propped-up-with-a-stick" method, or something more sophisticated? Does your brain contain plans for the ultimate mouse catching device?

Tell us! Tell us in sonnets and rhymes!

The last few topics haven't received many entries. I'm sure people are busy, but I also wonder if the topics themselves just aren't inspiring Great Poetry. Therefore, I ask the IRON POETS this question: "What is Important to you?"

This is an IRON POET CHALLENGE!! You have two options:

"Personal Option"
1) Choose something that is really important to you. Maybe it's rainbows, or finding a job, or perfecting your chocolate chip cookie recipe.
2) Write a poem about it

"Celebrity Option"
1) Pick a famous/historical/fictional person
2) Choose something that you think they would find important
3) Write a poem from their point of view

The Chairman finds IRON POETRY to be the most important thing in the universe. What do the IRON POETS think?

The Chairman and Chairwoman shared some Adventures in Finance last night, when we spoke to my financial advisor (probably a good idea to start now, since our finances will change a bit once we get married.)

Actually, we weren't the only ones there. He's the financial advisor for my mom as well as my sister and brother-in-law. So we got to visit with them as well as my new nephew. (The Chairnephew? The Chairmom? Chairsister? Nah... that all sounds too weird... "IRON NEPHEW" makes more sense!)

Anyway, it's always fun to focus on the root of all evil. What are the IRON POETS thoughts on money? Do you blow it all on lottery tickets and/or RPG books? Are you saving for a rainy day (in fact, it's raining now in Massachusetts) or do you have a Clever Plan to get rich some day? Bonus points if your plan involves poetry in some way! Extra bonus points if you plan involves making the Chairman rich as well!

The Chairman wonders, what poetry would an alien race write about humanity? I'm sure there would be some bad Vogon Poetry, but would there be any inspiring verses?

I ask you, O IRON POETS, to put yourself in an alien frame of mind. Step outside your planet for a moment and ask yourself what we might look like from a distance. Considering who the judge is, Star Trek references would probably go over pretty well.

The Chairman caught a cold from the Chairwoman. She dubbed it "The Misery". She was right. It's pretty miserable. Just when one thinks it's starting to get better, a new set of symptoms kicks in. Outstanding.

O IRON POETS! Give me poetry to match my mood. Write me depressing poetry!

(Yeah, essentially, just combine bad Goth poetry with any poetic style.)

Yesterday was the Chairman's birthday. He received some excellent gifts, including a gift certificate for iTunes from "[?]". Thanks, [?], whoever you are! For those of you who are still interested in gift-giving, you might consider charitable donations. (For example, these sites!)

In the meantime, the Chairman would like to hear about your best and worst birthday gifts ever. Or maybe you gave someone a present that was particularly awesome.

O IRON POETS!!! Give me the gift of poetry!

Incidentally, it is now April. That means that it is officially LADIES ARE BEAUTIFUL MONTH month.

The Chairman and Chairwoman have decided to participate in the Walk For Hunger this year.

If you're intested in supporting us, feel free to make donations either: HERE or HERE. Now, I'm not going to suggest that donating money to the Chairman's causes will increase your chances of winning, but it's certainly something worth thinking about...

But I digree... A twenty mile walk is a serious undertaking, and the only thing that's likely to pull us through is some solid poetry. I call upon the IRON POETS to write us some good Walkin' Poetry (not to be confused with Christopher Walken Poetry, which, I believe was already a topic long ago).

O IRON POETS!!! Give me a verse that fires my feet forward! Write me poems that power my pedestrian progress! Write me hymns that hunger for hunger's destruction!

And, seriously, if you can, please support by donating. It's a good cause!

The Attorney General has been filling the headlines a lot lately. What are the IRON POETS thoughts on this man? Should he resign? Should he be fired? Will either of these things occur?

In fact, I will go one step farther. I challenge one of you to compose for me the Alberto Gonzales Rap.